I'm hardly paying attention to what's on screen, I'm skipping every cutscene and just giving myself something to do. These days I just play with the infinite rocket launcher and blow everything to kingdom come.
![resident evil 4 save data pc resident evil 4 save data pc](https://img.youtube.com/vi/A3l_mvrdl4c/0.jpg)
I'm less interested or preoccupied with how good I think the game is, and I'm just focused on the motions, flexing muscle memory and completing macro and micro-objectives until my brain finally calms down. No matter how many periods of bad mental health you go through, and no matter how used to the feeling you get, sometimes you have to fight that familiarity with a better familiarity.Īnd it’s that familiarity that makes me come back to it over and over again. I do not want to think about what's going on inside my brain right now, and so I play a game I know front, back, and center because it's familiar to me and gets my brain off of things. Last year, when I was in a similar boat, I played through Resident Evil 4 three times in less than a month. Hell, I may do this while watching our Super Replay. Later tonight, after work, I'll probably begin a new playthrough of Resident Evil 4. I've had to pause the video to write this piece, and I can already feel my brain starting to race. It's almost like a grounding technique, keeping me here and now instead of oscillating between panic and depression. Watching the familiar levels, combined with Jeff Cork, Kyle Hilliard, Andrew Reiner, and Tim Turi's commentary, gives me some semblance of normalcy in a trying time. Right now, I have Game Informer's Resident Evil 4 Super Replay open in a tab on my computer. It's a bizarre way to clock my mental health – when things are good, I go about my life as usual, and when things are bad, my life revolves around Resident Evil 4. I love the game, but it's only when things feel apocalyptic in my brain that I obsessively consume it. The second thing I do – almost like clockwork – is turn to Resident Evil 4. Admittedly, it's unfair to be mad about this – but I still am! I find myself thinking, "If I'm only going to feel worse, then what was the point of getting sober?" Everything that happened before I got sober still happened all the personal failings are just as real now as they were then, no matter how much I think I've changed. So many years later, what makes me mad is this wasn't the magic eraser I secretly hoped it would be. In February 2019, I checked myself into a rehab clinic to finally combat my addiction to alcohol.
![resident evil 4 save data pc resident evil 4 save data pc](http://3getu841.web.fc2.com/krauser-jp/savedata-02.jpg)
It is an effort in futility because I'm mostly mad at a nebulous concept. There are two things I find myself doing when my mental health gets to its worst place.